For many years I had no idea what I wanted to do in life. I had no purpose.
This was an internal struggle because on the outside I very much presented that I knew my path.
I seemed so certain and so sure to others, when inside I was deeply afraid and doubtful of everything I did.
My theater degree armed me with the ability to analyze and understand the deeper meanings within conversations,
and to trace how we humans so desperately want to connect with one another,
but so often fail at communicating our needs or fully listening to another’s needs.
Art and theater will always be to me an expression in how we struggle to connect.
So I had some tools of connecting, but I didn’t know how to put them to use.
Yoga has always provided the consistency I craved.
Photo by Chris Disla
As a lover of technique in it’s purest form, the practice of yoga asana allows me to go deeper and deeper
into the process of clarification in a welcoming and accepting setting.
For years I would come to my teacher’s class with no desire of being seen.
In fact I wanted to remain hidden in the back row and be absorbed into the energy of the group
like I was being consumed by a powerful wave,
I would let it others carry me to a place of connection.
And I needed this...
because I wasn’t able to connect to the forces within myself that wanted to be experienced and shared.
“Practice and all is coming” Pattabhi Jois is famously quoted,
is so resonantly true in when we put it to action.
So are the adages “Show up before you’re ready” or even more sharply “fake it til you make it”.
Sometimes we are called down a path, and we don’t even know why.
We just keep showing up and over time, and I’m talking maybe years or decades down the road,
the greater reasoning or the “why” is revealed.
To find one’s life duty, or dharma, can be an elusive and tricky journey.
Very often to step into one’s powerful purpose is terrifying and overwhelming
and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t hiding from my dharma for years.
Photo by Lilly Winter
But the truth is, our calling, whatever that might be, is what brings us to life.
It fills our day with vibrancy and connection.
It is the youth serum that excitedly gets us up in the morning.
It is finding what is inside us that resonates on the frequency of love and devotion.
And so often our dharma is right in front of us all along, we just didn’t allow ourselves to see it.
In fact, we might already be doing it right now.
But once we find that dharma, once we’ve tapped into that magic of purpose and duty,
we have no other choice but to spread and share ourselves fully with everyone, to let connection fill us again.